hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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