I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she peed on how many people?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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