Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
