she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
