i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
