My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
