Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize