He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we're making bets on your personal life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize