I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
