My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
