U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
