Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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