so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
