garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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