That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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