oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
