Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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