I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
