my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
