Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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