I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
