phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
