so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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