I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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