the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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