i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
