I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
