There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
