Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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