dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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