it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This show inspires me to have sex in space
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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