It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
