Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
