is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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