Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
