Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
