I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
