? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
