from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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