We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
