Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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