True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
