ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Boobs speak an international language.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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