Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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