If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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