I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
