i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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