My first STD was from a foam party
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
