It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
