gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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