Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
