So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
