theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
