I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
