Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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