was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
