Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
