? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
