im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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