I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
