6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come on in and take your pants off
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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