i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize