Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize