I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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