Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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