My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
