I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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