It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
